they dont understand me. they dont even try. why do i act like this? i dont even know. he said he’s making me his priority. he is supposed to. she said i have to straighten how i think. she’s not even looking at my perspective. my brother said not to talk back anymore. i couldnt help it. i’m hot-headed. where do you think i got it from? yeah, they’re supporting me financially. yeah, they’re feeding me. yeah, they gave me a shelter. but no, there’s no connection emotionally between us. this is why our relationship is like this. i wanna be somewhere else. i don’t wanna be dependent, i don’t wanna be a burden anymore.
i’m sorry i’m not like my siblings.
It’s 6 am already and I haven’t sleep yet. To get in the mood, I’m even currently listening to Insomnia by Craig David.
I never thought that I’d fall in love
But it grew from a simple crush
Being without you, I was all messed up.
I miss you. It has been a year since the last time I saw you. I don’t even know why i feel all these feelings for you in the first place but I do. I need to stop and forget about you because all of these are nonsense. You don’t even know I like you, unless I was being too obvious. What is it that I went crazy over you. My feelings for you from last year was definitely not just a simple crush. It can’t be because I never felt something like this strong for anyone before. That until now whenever I think about you, I smile. I smile while my heart aches. I don’t get it. I don’t even know you that much.
Now looking back, I wish I could rewind.
Thinking about it, I had so many chances to talk to you. But I choked everytime. You where everywhere too. Whenever I looked at one direction, you were there. All of these are history and I couldn’t do anything about me confessing to you. I couldn’t rewind so I hope I can forget about you soon and move on. Because maybe.. we are just never meant to be.
I’ve been thinking about Philippines for the past week. Maybe I’m just home sick but I don’t really know. At one point I felt like I want to study over there again. I even searched for schools that have my major and I actually found three. I even browse NCR through Google Map. Philippines is actually a fun place. It would be funner for me though if Manila is pollution free since I have allergies. I had runny nose when I was there two years ago for vacation. Even when I was still living there when I was a kid, I would always have severe cold and I would always sleep with a roll of a toilet paper (because we didn’t have kleenex) next to me. Anyway, enough of allergies. As what I was saying, I want to go back to the Philippines. I feel like I missed a lot when I didn’t continue my education over there. However, I’m not 100 percent on studying in the Philippines again. I still believe that subjects over there are hard and there are courses you have to take in college that are not necessary. I also don’t like the traffic in Manila, I’ll have a heart attack. But I miss the food. I’ve been craving for a lot of food. I’ve been craving for taho, kwek kwek, zagu, squidballs and many more. I also want to go to the beach and watch Shakey’s V-league live. Gosh, if I only have money, I’ll go right away tomorrow.
Last night was the finale of America’s Next Top Model. Even though it was expected that Teyona will win and she did, I was a bit disappointed. Since last week, it seemed like she was not giving her all and last night I believe that she did a poor job. She did the worst commercial and Aminat did the best out of the three but yet she was the one sent home. I just feel bad with Aminat because that was her best performance throughout the competition. It is true that Aminat does not take good pictures but I think she will be a great runway model. Anyway, Allison, who I really think was the most improved, came so close on winning the competition. I also think that she did better on the runway that Teyona. She looked so graceful and did a cute little dance with Miss Jay at one point. Teyona, on the other hand, looked stiff and her wig came off. When Tyra was about to give out the result, she said something like, “we’ve seen something a little bit more” on one of the two than the other one. I’m really wondering what is that little something she’s talking about. Also, I read a comment somewhere before, I think on the fan page of ANTM on facebook, that an African-American contestant will win this competition this season because they let one every fourth season. I guess he was right but maybe it was just a coincidence. I don’t have anything against Teyona but her final pictures with Tyra didn’t really say top model to me. Anyway, I can’t say much about being a top model since I am not one but congratulations still to Teyona.
I have to post another one before I start not to blog again. It’s really hard to do something when I don’t have any motivation and I also hate the fact that I am not patience. Sometimes if i want to be better at something it just comes off worse. I usually just think about the things i want to do but i lack of action. I notice these from myself, i want to change but nothing is happening to me. I hate this. I wasn’t like this before. I don’t know what ever happened to me. I’m worse than ever.
I hate writing. I just simply do. But my cousin said something to me that got me thinking, “start blogging again. It would really help you”. It sounds weird but true. I’m pursuing a career path in the world of web where words and codes are the fundamentals. I guess when you blog you can practice both writing and coding. So here I am, blogging again hoping I can make something out of it.